Picture this: It’s August 16th, 2019. School is starting in five days which means I’m five days away from my fifth year in the classroom. My classroom design is as perfect as “Pinterest perfect” gets, everything is where it should be, my lesson plans are neatly written, and I’m excited to meet around 130 sixth graders who are about to become my entire world for the next nine months. Over the summer, I had spent so much time reflecting, growing, and being stress-free (for the most part). I worked out, drank water, limited caffeine, ate healthy, and everything seemed to be falling into place. I was feeling so good and so confident, that I curled my hair, threw on a bit of makeup, and took a fun new photo for my blog.

What I see in this photo is pure happiness. Everything in my life is falling into place and I am excited to not only be on this new blogging adventure, but also starting another teaching journey at a different school. I have a small pimple on my cheek, but considering I also started my monthly visit that day, I couldn’t complain. Not even my period was stopping me from sharing my smile.

Fast forward to August 21st, I survived the first day of school, and it was time to celebrate, because who doesn’t celebrate surviving a day of meeting 130 eleven and twelve-year-olds?!

It was a great day. I was feeling happy and ready to celebrate with my husband! I put on a bold shirt, took a cute picture, and out the door we went. I must say, I was truly feeling that year five was going to be my year. Not only was it the first, first day of school that I was able to stay awake past 4:30 pm, but it was such a great day that I couldn’t wait to tell my husband all about it. Plus, look at my skin, I had just finished my period the day before, I had a crazy amazing day with children, and my skin was glowing!

Alright, school has been in session for a week and it’s August 29th. It’s my birthday weekend and I get to wear my new, super adorable, “Mrs. Durkin” shirt. Things are still going really well but the fun ‘get to know you’ activities are simmering out and it’s time to start jumping into the curriculum. The days are long. I am still trying to stay active and eat right, but the caffeine consumption and stress level was definitely growing by the day. I start to get a few pimples here and there, but no big deal, what’s one or two right? I mean, I went through Accutane once upon a time, so one or two pimples was nothing compared to before I did Accutane.

It’s now September 10th. It’s VSCO day at school, and of course, I need my husband to capture the outfit. At this point, I am starting to get a few more pimples along my jawline, I specifically remember saying, “Don’t get too close, stop zoomin’ in on my pimps!” And if you’re wondering, no, I did not post the picture I am about to show you because the last thing I wanted was an internet troll to see my new friends, aka, my acne. By September 15th, I knew I needed to kick this in the butt before it got worse, so I started food eliminations and using every acne product that ever worked for me in the past, which was really nothing, hence why I ended up on Accutane.

The next few weeks, the little pimples just kept coming. On October 2nd, the ones along my jaw line were becoming more prominent and started to become itchy and slightly painful. I remember being so uncomfortable that I literally had to take a picture to figure out why the heck my jawline was itching so bad!

Fast forward a few days and I am in Colorado with my husband. I was so upset about the breakout I was going through that I was miserable. My face was so uncomfortable, I didn’t want to be in pictures, and I was embarrassed to go out for supper with my friends from college and Brent’s cousin. We went all the way to Colorado and took almost no photos.

After two short days in Colorado I flew to San Francisco to meet my colleagues for a conference. I, of course, was excited to go to somewhere new that I had never been, but I was so embarrassed of my skin. The entire trip, and I literally mean the E N T I R E trip, I was just crawling in my skin. I doubt my colleagues thought my acne was as bad as I did, but in my mind it was unbearable. I couldn’t wait for the site seeing or to see the iconic Golden Gate Bridge, but after seeing how my acne looked in the picture I took, I couldn’t bring myself to post it, let alone any other close up picture of myself.

After getting back from SanFran, it was all downhill. Every single day I came home from work, washed my face, and didn’t leave the house, let alone walk to the mailbox in fear of someone seeing me. I spent my free time making up excuses why I couldn’t go places, researching every acne blog ever written, crying, and begging God to heal my face and take away the physical, mental, and emotional pain I was going through. On October 15th, I was in so much pain and so embarrassed that I couldn’t go to Bible study. Instead, I laid on my bathroom floor mad, sad, crying, pleading, begging, and trying to make a deal with God. “I promise if you heal my face… You’re the healer of the broken… the God of all miracles…” That week I just kept telling myself, “I just need to make it to Wednesday, it’s a four day weekend, I can stay home. I won’t need to see anyone, I will only leave the house to go see a dermatologist, I will get this all figured out.”

Visit part two of my acne story here! Part two shares my initial contact with a med spa and my first treatment!

Acne Story Part One